WHAT'S MY MISTAKE... WHY ME...I'M TIRED..

HAIZ.... i do what my mum ask me to do... recently...really so innocent get FUCK UP... haiz.. really no idea what's going on... and what happen/..i wanna concentrate on study... wan to try study hard... although i have no choice to choose... haiz... before i take in this ID... i had quarrel with her about the study thingy... haiz... i try my best ... but i fail... haiz... wanna take my own career...but she... haiz... quarrel till fainted... haiz... FINE...i take the iD... what the hell... reeally so sick... haiz... doctor said i cant too tired or too emotion... i'm really sick of it... how cant i stop all this.. each time i talk to her sure quarrel and she faint or heart attack... haiz... i have no choice... haiz... what this should happen to me. not to say i dun wan help her in work... but really each time i back to the office i really nothing to do... haiz... sit and do nothing... damn it... she always compare me and another gal.. haiz... sad... she said she ask that gal what also can answer... but me...nothing... damn it...not i dunno just you dun teach.. each time i ask you dun tell .. give those reason.. damn it... say dun fan me... this little thing ask next time... or even said get lost.. haiz... when she wan thing she can get it... she wan what or require what also we give... but me??? or others... non.. and NO... damn fuck it,... i'm really sick of itt... haiz... even i work so long in here... i really know nothing about this company... the wood the curtain or anything...i dunno... not to say completely dunno yea i know few.. haiz... just ... sometimes i notice her.. she only teach outsider... or the one she love only.. she keep think me not the one to help... she even ask me to open one damn company... under my name... haiz...you think i happy if i got this? it sucks... i open one company which is i dunno anything much about it... eg: last time tailor come den i ask need how long need to measure and cut... she ask me to back off... damn it... last time she said.. next time open the damn company den jau need give effort on it... i said okay le... i measure and cut.. this and that.. she so damn suddenn ask me back off... and get lost... haiz... ppl dunno how den mai ask the tailor lo.. den she ask me keep quiet... she busy..haiz... sometimes i really dunno what she wan... haiz... den sometimes i get scolded so damn innocent... not sometimes is everytime... haiz... nowdays... i know she rush those houses... haiz... like all she also handle... ppl ask wan any help not... she said no ..no need your help ... haiz... ends up now she sick... haiz... really so tired and sick of staying at home.. last time lou tao sunday work she scold ppl that sunday is FAMILY DAY.. now... all sunday no activity de.. only spend time with family... now days... haiz... she keep work on sunday.. haiz.. make till lou tao also dun like it de... haiz....she's the one make things worst she's the one make all of us worry her.. and getting angry of her... sometimes i get scolded for no reason... haiz... recently... i also notice that i'm getting tired... and easy faint de... guess.. i'm too tired and my stupid throid thingy again... haiz... she keep said fan about work this and that.. ppl ask wan help she said dun wan... b4 i enter this company she said let le out this and that...follow her work that's why i come back from KL... now... sit offfice do nothing... i know nothing about excel...or form format or what PO>>DO>>>OR what ... those office work i know NOTHING...haizz... yesterday night... backk home... lou tao ask go whr eat... den she said she lunch 5sum only eat... haiz... lou tao & bro 4sum eat... thaat time 8sum sure all hungry... except mmummy... haiz... just because she not hungry or anything all wait for her together dinner at 10pm... i ate brunch at 12... tilll 10pm only eat again... cause me gastric... haiz... we use to sit together and eat and chat.. but she... once sit together ... keep talk about THOSE FUCKING WORK & MONEY...money really so important??? or family???? haiz... i'm really sick of staying at this family....sometimes i ask myself i'm not good enough meh... do whatever mum ask me to do... haiz... force to do something i dun like... go school den back office work... fetch bro... back homee cook dinner.. less go out...i'm not good enough meh.. she always said i go out... damn it la.. haiz... so damn innocent... now in her brain... 7days also working day.... now me too 7days.. also fucking working day... damn it.. 7days... do nothing at office only sit... haiz... mum change ... haiz... i'm the one who suffer.. sometimes really wan out from the fucking house... i hate the house... eachh time i go back.. really tired and sick of it...haiz... her beloved ivan and her nelson dun scold de... only me ... keep on scold and nagging non stop... eeveryday allso scold.. say this and that..even she wrong also scold me ... haiz... even... sometimes she delay things.. den she go tell other i delay her things... haiz...yesterday his mum ask my mum weather can bring me go KL not this week... 2 days 1night... den she reply ... err.dunno yet.., she need go outstation.. den when i call her and ask.. den she scolded me .. talk many bullshit... said... if you wan go mai go lo... you wan i work till soo san fu you can go geh... i stay office... this and many bul shit.. den turn off the phone... haiz... ppl ask her got what thing to do she jau say this say that.. ppl ask her anything help she said no... haiz...really so shame of it...

duSt..^^ long time no upload..

gees...second week at my new ERA TECH COLLEGE.. ^^ haha.. today ... lolx... asking few question... about what's design.. this and that.. bla bla & bla.. haha... draw a very weird pic... acually is a combination from each of every student in our class figure... lolx.. mine is spec... haha... really damn funny... after a result of drawing the whole thingy... the thing.. the human we drawed... it's like ahh gua only... lolx.. beh tahan.. keep on laughing... gees.. really bad in drawing... weak on it... tomorrow photoshop... haha... looking forward... aftter the class... came down... i got the sakai stupid saman.. DAMN IT... (*CRIES) SAKAI DE.. wuwuwu... T.T den tell him... den he yau said bla bla bla & bla... sakai de... den went to big tree leg.. tot wanna eat more thing really extreamly hungry... lolx...but.. too bad... he dint eat.. only i eat... beh syok lo.. only me alone eat.. haiz... no feel wanna continue eat lo... den had quarrel with him.. really dunno what's going on le... recently really too many things happen le.. haiz... *pfft what can i do with it... just.. reallly lost communication like that le.. dunno why... haiz.. forget it ba... things happen and going on.. day by day.. tired... sick of it... trying to live happily... tring to stay focus... but yet ... things not going well... thou... haiz... dunno... just... yesterday see those kids talking about life and those thingy.. really wanna continue happy with it... i tried to face what's infront... really hard man... atleast i tried///.. but... haiz... just only someone makes like me really dun wanna face like this... i wont blame on him.. but... just too weak for me... tired of it...

CHRISTMAS

*christmas coming soon... another 4days...

*r@nDomLy~

*dunno wannn say what now... reallt too many things in my mind right now... lol...
on saturday ... bought present for both parents... on that day... dunno ... what happen with him.. he suddenlly turn so upset... like.. i ask hiim what he also cant tell me... den.. kiss him.. asking him to tell me infront of me.. he cant barely tell out.. i tot i might be do something wrong that might hurt him or anything.. dunno why... tears keep on falling... till..sam tet.. attend one gathering.. kinda little left out.. those form 4's dint really care ... but... when i meet with those form 3.. lol.. they'll like so crazy.. hug me... kinda lttle fun... but.. yet the same time worried about him. he ask me to talk with them.. but... accually i dint talk much.. reach till hall.. sit like almost 30minutes.. beh tahan.. need eat my heart medicine.. suddeenlly jump fast.. haha.. lucky dint faint... maybe too hot inside.. and kinda loud volume.. my throid med also out-of-service de... lol.. today the 4th day no eat medicine... seems like getting more tired.. and more pain... dunno why.. haha... till now still sick... haiz.. cham... on that night i only know ... why he sad about... till next day.. morning tot wanna have another great day... but... ends up.. mum and lou tao quarrel.. damn freaking fan... haiz... even he.. also still sad... not to say i dun wan to make him happy .. i tries but i fail... i wanna make you happy... but ... too tired... really suddenlly so san fu... plus... the next day get more worst my stupid flu and little fever.. haaiz... till need work from morning till night only can get back home.. sakai de... damn tired... yesterday.. really i make him upset badly.. i guess.. haiz.. dunno le... forget it ba... cried alots yesterday night... till cant really stand... suddenlly so san fu.. ate medicine... ate flu medicine tot i can sleep... but... cant sleep.. damn it... den tot i might chat with him to feel batter... but.. haiz... only get worst... den i ask ivan take soluble for me..as my stupid flu making me more worst cant barely breath... den den drink soluble... another 15minutes.. still cant feel better or sleepy.. as .. me and him still like hate and love.. haiz... wondering i'm i good gf? or why i so stupid? or anything will be... just like.. a gap between us de.. like getting far apart... haiz... no understanding... no communication.. no sweetness.. just bitter... dunno why... den i took another 2active fast... have a chat with him... yet still keep on sneezing... damn san fu... why sick also need to suffer all this kind of pain... pain where the feelings mixing.. and wondering... i dunno... really so tired... my suddenlly my neck.. my lower head get more paining... and heart keep on pumping... ends up.. i get tired ... thinking.. and fall asleep.. haiz... just all night praying him not to be sad.. and hope he can be happy... me and him together... and hpe that more understanding... that's it... haiz... really since genting that day.. till now.. me and him really like getting away and away.. far apart... dunno how long can we stand ... left the memories... those happy moment... maybe... i dunno... sadness than happiness this month... i guess.. to me... just wish i wanna have a happy chirstmas only.. i dun wish anything i just wan nice christmas only.... a happy christmas... memorable moment...

~END OF THE WORLD~ *yawn...*

lol... finally i can watch the 2012.. but anyway... really kinda nice movie... hehe... i still make promise that i sure watch with my boy... and my family... lol... really nice movie...hehe...really dunno why... when i fetch him... he dint even see or speak a word... just call my parents ... den no word say to me... reach jj... it's like me and he far apart... really dunno what's going on with him... wonder... why like that...*forget it ba...continue.. the movie really talk about many things.. really a lots of meanings in it... really... kinda scare when i watch it... cant really imagine how would it look like... when that Will happen in another two years... really wonder... will the government prepare the ark for us.. like in the bible said... about Noah story... or maybe... die like that.. is the money can save our life? or fate to be save.. or maybe... fate to be die.... really cant predict what will happen.. life really un predicted ... what is going to happen it will happen... ppls do ignore the things..and might think.. 2012 movie is just entertainment... but acually is wasn't.. cause.. due with the things that sign ... warning about the things... those scientist... testing about nuclear.. in north pole.. making more worst... really too many things happen... in this world... really .... the movie really mean a lots of things... human can be united... money is not everything....you must appreciate what you have now... do the things that you still can... enjoy...try to make the day happy... while you still can live... *continue.. after that movie... den we back home... but...nothing much happen ... cause really too tired de.. just got one simple kiss and sleep... how good i can have a hug... before i sleep... *skipped neway... enjoy while we can.. i just wanna wish i can make a happy moment with him.... wanna he become for loving.. caring... and funny only.... like the last time we use to be laugh in phone...

*sLe3pY

nothing to say much today.. yea.. kinda a lots of things in my mind right now... but lazy to write all out... feel like wanna tell him everything .. but...kinda afraid that he misun or anything... whatever... just wanna say little...oh yea... neway... on last saturday my wish came true... but... doesn't really fulfills all... accually by the time i reach genting already... when i see those accesories... and the decoration... that time i just think... how good that i can see him now.. and take pic with him... wanna make a memorable moment....once i check in... he ask me to go side... and i saw him,,, alcually that time really kinda shock when i saw him... i know he treat me good enuf.. but dunno why something missing... maybbe he was too tired... but anyway.. he slept in my room... atleast he got place to sleep.. till next morning... ate breakfast.... walk... but... really dunno why when i'm in mood of taking pic... like usual.. each time at genting... with him... but this time... really dunno why... he face is like... awh... man... cant discribe it... haiz.. i tot i was trying to enjoy with him... i wear... that hair... tot he might happy... when he come from toilet... but... nothing happen... haiz... really dunno wan sad or what... really ... weird... not i dun wanna tam him or what... but just ... dunno why... 2 years in realationship... is like 3month only... like... i really dunno how to discribe... i know he did a lots of things... take his money out for me... but... really i dunno how to discribe it... haiz... something was missing... maaking me feels like he turning back like the last time he was... to be honest ... yes i do... happy and gam tong when he at genting... but at the same time i was sad either ... cause seeing him like this tired... and really dunno why ... giving kind weird attitude.. avoiding... eg:i went to starbuck... meet my uncles and mum.. den i ask him pui i chat a while... den out of sudden he said he wanna go back to room watch tv... i really do damn speechless.. alcually that time after i chat with them a while... wanna go take pics with him...wanna walk around wanna make the candle hand thingy... but... ends up... ... after that time... really no mood... even though he ask me to takee pic... that time i was trying to hold my tears... wonderiing what's going on with him... and why you wanna become like that.. why each time we wan to enjoy .. but also got sad moment... damn it.. is not to humilate... or saying things harsh... but... really... i wish ... you can become... the one that i wanna you to be... pls dun become back the last time you were so cool... or what...i just wanna get hugs.. wanna feel that i was care and someone can cheer for me all the time...some one that can leave me a memories that is something that is worth it...Sorry baby... i know you work hard ... and wanna make me happy... baby... all i wish that .. i wanna become who you are.. the one that is funny ... and caring... i dunno weather you are making in front of me ... or maybe is in you... it just... something was missing as i said... last time we use to be jokes... and talk a lots.. but... really like getting lesser... when i sad.. i wanna you make me laugh... when i happy we together happy... is you did... eventually .. i will did the same thing.. although i did.. but seems like you dint care much thou... of maybe you dint notice... sometimes really kinda weird... the cake i made for you .. you just put aside.. although when is upside down... many things either... really.. something missing... the more we together become like this... the more bad things will happen... i can say it... altough we already 2years... also become like this.. i just wonder... how about another few more years are we stilll together? or what..only you know about it...

~p@sT i$ p@sT~

what had already pass jau pass de le... can denied it... today really no idea what i'm going to say and talk... but... just let it be.... although too many things happen recently.. really going thru a very hard time.... just... moment already pass de... it became history.. and no longer to be remember... but... what if a sweet moment??? it just make it keep haunted you ... for the rest of your life only... first when together... sure happy and enjoy.. but when things turn bad.. and hard going thru... things goes... worst... just broken to few pieces... eg: like a glass fell on floor... and brokes into few pieces.. and just left a piece of memories... and nothing.. some need time to forget the someone left those precious moment... those happiness... but some... dint care or think about it... and had a new life.. but .. to me seems like really hard... yea although tot can find a real love that can stand long.. but ends up destroy... kinda frust and hard to accept it... but ... what if the ppl ask back you and wan you together back with him... but both also already had own life... but still have the love remain... but... to me... as i said... past already past.. cant become present... or maybe... if we got fate... we still can together in future... cause life really un predicted... just appreciate what you having now...and had own life... dun lie to the partner... and be happy for them.. yea.. although is hard.. but just let it be... have a own life... own way... *yawn... sweepy... headache... i also dunno what i'm mumbling... lolx....anyway.. just write whatever in my brain...