I'M SORRRY

... just feel so sorry the one who love me.. and cares me alots.. really sorz for everything you had did to me... really kinda hearthache when all stuff happen at once.. i really cant even face it myself and do it.. haiz.. dunno le.. just... maybe this was not the right time... accually i was planning had my b'day with the one i love or maybe whole bunch of buddies like that... but seems .. this year i really feel wanna celebrate alone ... haiz.. really so kinda upset right now.. i can ttbarely smile right now.. felt like too much things to fan and stuff .. haiz.. hate myself for out of sudden.. kinda.. haiz.. speechless right now.. just wanna say sorry to you... sorz .. i really couldn't accpet any relationship now.. cause.. it's been so hurt... for 2month ago.. haiz... hate it...hate myself... hate to be in love for so frust ....

ASSIGNMENT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GEES... kinda long dint bloggy de.. lolx.. haha.. too much asssignment!!!! ARGH!!!!!! HELP ME !!!!!!!!!!!!I WAN IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!I WAN PPL HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

uplaoding.....

gees.. in this few weeks.. kinda feel a lots different kind of feels... feel of happy.. sad.. moody.. heart broken ...and others weird feelings.. haiz... last week just broke up with him.. kinda feel like wasted.. but what to do.. cause... we choose to let go... and seriously on that day.. really kinda hurt and dissappointed what he told me about it... kinda feel like .. really speechless... haiz... feel like so damn heart broken... when i reach school.. i cried.. in car... really loud i guess.. i think should be long time i dint cry till so loud and so really dunno how to say... kinda weird man... haiz.. but atleast for what i had promise him... that i 'll happy always and try to take care my own... from that day onwards i continue my road and my way... back to class like normal...and try hang out with some crazy buddies.. trying to think positive... lolx.. really need to thx to that fella who told me about it.. *think positive... only got way out.. if i keeping it in.. only make the brain jam... and more things to fan and dunno do what* what la... that's whyy from that day onwards i always remember this word till now... Think positive way...so till now doing the same thing... everyone ask us why we break who ask and who say it out first.. let's consider as... both saying out... and both also dun wan feel the burden anymore that's it.. i choose the road i wan him to realize and wake ... haiz.. dunno le..all i wan him now is focus to his exam only.. for this moment...really need rush my assignment and get myself busy as .. too many things that i really damn frust de... really each time i back home i'm sick of it.. really .. like no time to make myself comfortable with it.. dunno le... haiz... just wonder when only i can feel back home sweet home.. haiz.. just wonder why my mum turn till so really dunno how to say ... haiz... more too like showing off and others.. really hate it a lots....!!! haiz.. but anyway... haha.. i still got one crazy buddies and still can chill and laugh about .. and the one who really und me.. make me happy... really few that can make me chill.. even my god daughther... lolx... haha...guess... i stopp mumble now.. as the thing keep on repeating like grand ah ma... haha.. sakai de.. joker... i just can wish and pray things will goes well jek... haha... and wan everyone nearby me happy always... that's it... lolx...

WHAT'S MY MISTAKE... WHY ME...I'M TIRED..

HAIZ.... i do what my mum ask me to do... recently...really so innocent get FUCK UP... haiz.. really no idea what's going on... and what happen/..i wanna concentrate on study... wan to try study hard... although i have no choice to choose... haiz... before i take in this ID... i had quarrel with her about the study thingy... haiz... i try my best ... but i fail... haiz... wanna take my own career...but she... haiz... quarrel till fainted... haiz... FINE...i take the iD... what the hell... reeally so sick... haiz... doctor said i cant too tired or too emotion... i'm really sick of it... how cant i stop all this.. each time i talk to her sure quarrel and she faint or heart attack... haiz... i have no choice... haiz... what this should happen to me. not to say i dun wan help her in work... but really each time i back to the office i really nothing to do... haiz... sit and do nothing... damn it... she always compare me and another gal.. haiz... sad... she said she ask that gal what also can answer... but me...nothing... damn it...not i dunno just you dun teach.. each time i ask you dun tell .. give those reason.. damn it... say dun fan me... this little thing ask next time... or even said get lost.. haiz... when she wan thing she can get it... she wan what or require what also we give... but me??? or others... non.. and NO... damn fuck it,... i'm really sick of itt... haiz... even i work so long in here... i really know nothing about this company... the wood the curtain or anything...i dunno... not to say completely dunno yea i know few.. haiz... just ... sometimes i notice her.. she only teach outsider... or the one she love only.. she keep think me not the one to help... she even ask me to open one damn company... under my name... haiz...you think i happy if i got this? it sucks... i open one company which is i dunno anything much about it... eg: last time tailor come den i ask need how long need to measure and cut... she ask me to back off... damn it... last time she said.. next time open the damn company den jau need give effort on it... i said okay le... i measure and cut.. this and that.. she so damn suddenn ask me back off... and get lost... haiz... ppl dunno how den mai ask the tailor lo.. den she ask me keep quiet... she busy..haiz... sometimes i really dunno what she wan... haiz... den sometimes i get scolded so damn innocent... not sometimes is everytime... haiz... nowdays... i know she rush those houses... haiz... like all she also handle... ppl ask wan any help not... she said no ..no need your help ... haiz... ends up now she sick... haiz... really so tired and sick of staying at home.. last time lou tao sunday work she scold ppl that sunday is FAMILY DAY.. now... all sunday no activity de.. only spend time with family... now days... haiz... she keep work on sunday.. haiz.. make till lou tao also dun like it de... haiz....she's the one make things worst she's the one make all of us worry her.. and getting angry of her... sometimes i get scolded for no reason... haiz... recently... i also notice that i'm getting tired... and easy faint de... guess.. i'm too tired and my stupid throid thingy again... haiz... she keep said fan about work this and that.. ppl ask wan help she said dun wan... b4 i enter this company she said let le out this and that...follow her work that's why i come back from KL... now... sit offfice do nothing... i know nothing about excel...or form format or what PO>>DO>>>OR what ... those office work i know NOTHING...haizz... yesterday night... backk home... lou tao ask go whr eat... den she said she lunch 5sum only eat... haiz... lou tao & bro 4sum eat... thaat time 8sum sure all hungry... except mmummy... haiz... just because she not hungry or anything all wait for her together dinner at 10pm... i ate brunch at 12... tilll 10pm only eat again... cause me gastric... haiz... we use to sit together and eat and chat.. but she... once sit together ... keep talk about THOSE FUCKING WORK & MONEY...money really so important??? or family???? haiz... i'm really sick of staying at this family....sometimes i ask myself i'm not good enough meh... do whatever mum ask me to do... haiz... force to do something i dun like... go school den back office work... fetch bro... back homee cook dinner.. less go out...i'm not good enough meh.. she always said i go out... damn it la.. haiz... so damn innocent... now in her brain... 7days also working day.... now me too 7days.. also fucking working day... damn it.. 7days... do nothing at office only sit... haiz... mum change ... haiz... i'm the one who suffer.. sometimes really wan out from the fucking house... i hate the house... eachh time i go back.. really tired and sick of it...haiz... her beloved ivan and her nelson dun scold de... only me ... keep on scold and nagging non stop... eeveryday allso scold.. say this and that..even she wrong also scold me ... haiz... even... sometimes she delay things.. den she go tell other i delay her things... haiz...yesterday his mum ask my mum weather can bring me go KL not this week... 2 days 1night... den she reply ... err.dunno yet.., she need go outstation.. den when i call her and ask.. den she scolded me .. talk many bullshit... said... if you wan go mai go lo... you wan i work till soo san fu you can go geh... i stay office... this and many bul shit.. den turn off the phone... haiz... ppl ask her got what thing to do she jau say this say that.. ppl ask her anything help she said no... haiz...really so shame of it...

duSt..^^ long time no upload..

gees...second week at my new ERA TECH COLLEGE.. ^^ haha.. today ... lolx... asking few question... about what's design.. this and that.. bla bla & bla.. haha... draw a very weird pic... acually is a combination from each of every student in our class figure... lolx.. mine is spec... haha... really damn funny... after a result of drawing the whole thingy... the thing.. the human we drawed... it's like ahh gua only... lolx.. beh tahan.. keep on laughing... gees.. really bad in drawing... weak on it... tomorrow photoshop... haha... looking forward... aftter the class... came down... i got the sakai stupid saman.. DAMN IT... (*CRIES) SAKAI DE.. wuwuwu... T.T den tell him... den he yau said bla bla bla & bla... sakai de... den went to big tree leg.. tot wanna eat more thing really extreamly hungry... lolx...but.. too bad... he dint eat.. only i eat... beh syok lo.. only me alone eat.. haiz... no feel wanna continue eat lo... den had quarrel with him.. really dunno what's going on le... recently really too many things happen le.. haiz... *pfft what can i do with it... just.. reallly lost communication like that le.. dunno why... haiz.. forget it ba... things happen and going on.. day by day.. tired... sick of it... trying to live happily... tring to stay focus... but yet ... things not going well... thou... haiz... dunno... just... yesterday see those kids talking about life and those thingy.. really wanna continue happy with it... i tried to face what's infront... really hard man... atleast i tried///.. but... haiz... just only someone makes like me really dun wanna face like this... i wont blame on him.. but... just too weak for me... tired of it...

CHRISTMAS

*christmas coming soon... another 4days...

*r@nDomLy~

*dunno wannn say what now... reallt too many things in my mind right now... lol...
on saturday ... bought present for both parents... on that day... dunno ... what happen with him.. he suddenlly turn so upset... like.. i ask hiim what he also cant tell me... den.. kiss him.. asking him to tell me infront of me.. he cant barely tell out.. i tot i might be do something wrong that might hurt him or anything.. dunno why... tears keep on falling... till..sam tet.. attend one gathering.. kinda little left out.. those form 4's dint really care ... but... when i meet with those form 3.. lol.. they'll like so crazy.. hug me... kinda lttle fun... but.. yet the same time worried about him. he ask me to talk with them.. but... accually i dint talk much.. reach till hall.. sit like almost 30minutes.. beh tahan.. need eat my heart medicine.. suddeenlly jump fast.. haha.. lucky dint faint... maybe too hot inside.. and kinda loud volume.. my throid med also out-of-service de... lol.. today the 4th day no eat medicine... seems like getting more tired.. and more pain... dunno why.. haha... till now still sick... haiz.. cham... on that night i only know ... why he sad about... till next day.. morning tot wanna have another great day... but... ends up.. mum and lou tao quarrel.. damn freaking fan... haiz... even he.. also still sad... not to say i dun wan to make him happy .. i tries but i fail... i wanna make you happy... but ... too tired... really suddenlly so san fu... plus... the next day get more worst my stupid flu and little fever.. haaiz... till need work from morning till night only can get back home.. sakai de... damn tired... yesterday.. really i make him upset badly.. i guess.. haiz.. dunno le... forget it ba... cried alots yesterday night... till cant really stand... suddenlly so san fu.. ate medicine... ate flu medicine tot i can sleep... but... cant sleep.. damn it... den tot i might chat with him to feel batter... but.. haiz... only get worst... den i ask ivan take soluble for me..as my stupid flu making me more worst cant barely breath... den den drink soluble... another 15minutes.. still cant feel better or sleepy.. as .. me and him still like hate and love.. haiz... wondering i'm i good gf? or why i so stupid? or anything will be... just like.. a gap between us de.. like getting far apart... haiz... no understanding... no communication.. no sweetness.. just bitter... dunno why... den i took another 2active fast... have a chat with him... yet still keep on sneezing... damn san fu... why sick also need to suffer all this kind of pain... pain where the feelings mixing.. and wondering... i dunno... really so tired... my suddenlly my neck.. my lower head get more paining... and heart keep on pumping... ends up.. i get tired ... thinking.. and fall asleep.. haiz... just all night praying him not to be sad.. and hope he can be happy... me and him together... and hpe that more understanding... that's it... haiz... really since genting that day.. till now.. me and him really like getting away and away.. far apart... dunno how long can we stand ... left the memories... those happy moment... maybe... i dunno... sadness than happiness this month... i guess.. to me... just wish i wanna have a happy chirstmas only.. i dun wish anything i just wan nice christmas only.... a happy christmas... memorable moment...