CHRISTMAS

*christmas coming soon... another 4days...

*r@nDomLy~

*dunno wannn say what now... reallt too many things in my mind right now... lol...
on saturday ... bought present for both parents... on that day... dunno ... what happen with him.. he suddenlly turn so upset... like.. i ask hiim what he also cant tell me... den.. kiss him.. asking him to tell me infront of me.. he cant barely tell out.. i tot i might be do something wrong that might hurt him or anything.. dunno why... tears keep on falling... till..sam tet.. attend one gathering.. kinda little left out.. those form 4's dint really care ... but... when i meet with those form 3.. lol.. they'll like so crazy.. hug me... kinda lttle fun... but.. yet the same time worried about him. he ask me to talk with them.. but... accually i dint talk much.. reach till hall.. sit like almost 30minutes.. beh tahan.. need eat my heart medicine.. suddeenlly jump fast.. haha.. lucky dint faint... maybe too hot inside.. and kinda loud volume.. my throid med also out-of-service de... lol.. today the 4th day no eat medicine... seems like getting more tired.. and more pain... dunno why.. haha... till now still sick... haiz.. cham... on that night i only know ... why he sad about... till next day.. morning tot wanna have another great day... but... ends up.. mum and lou tao quarrel.. damn freaking fan... haiz... even he.. also still sad... not to say i dun wan to make him happy .. i tries but i fail... i wanna make you happy... but ... too tired... really suddenlly so san fu... plus... the next day get more worst my stupid flu and little fever.. haaiz... till need work from morning till night only can get back home.. sakai de... damn tired... yesterday.. really i make him upset badly.. i guess.. haiz.. dunno le... forget it ba... cried alots yesterday night... till cant really stand... suddenlly so san fu.. ate medicine... ate flu medicine tot i can sleep... but... cant sleep.. damn it... den tot i might chat with him to feel batter... but.. haiz... only get worst... den i ask ivan take soluble for me..as my stupid flu making me more worst cant barely breath... den den drink soluble... another 15minutes.. still cant feel better or sleepy.. as .. me and him still like hate and love.. haiz... wondering i'm i good gf? or why i so stupid? or anything will be... just like.. a gap between us de.. like getting far apart... haiz... no understanding... no communication.. no sweetness.. just bitter... dunno why... den i took another 2active fast... have a chat with him... yet still keep on sneezing... damn san fu... why sick also need to suffer all this kind of pain... pain where the feelings mixing.. and wondering... i dunno... really so tired... my suddenlly my neck.. my lower head get more paining... and heart keep on pumping... ends up.. i get tired ... thinking.. and fall asleep.. haiz... just all night praying him not to be sad.. and hope he can be happy... me and him together... and hpe that more understanding... that's it... haiz... really since genting that day.. till now.. me and him really like getting away and away.. far apart... dunno how long can we stand ... left the memories... those happy moment... maybe... i dunno... sadness than happiness this month... i guess.. to me... just wish i wanna have a happy chirstmas only.. i dun wish anything i just wan nice christmas only.... a happy christmas... memorable moment...

~END OF THE WORLD~ *yawn...*

lol... finally i can watch the 2012.. but anyway... really kinda nice movie... hehe... i still make promise that i sure watch with my boy... and my family... lol... really nice movie...hehe...really dunno why... when i fetch him... he dint even see or speak a word... just call my parents ... den no word say to me... reach jj... it's like me and he far apart... really dunno what's going on with him... wonder... why like that...*forget it ba...continue.. the movie really talk about many things.. really a lots of meanings in it... really... kinda scare when i watch it... cant really imagine how would it look like... when that Will happen in another two years... really wonder... will the government prepare the ark for us.. like in the bible said... about Noah story... or maybe... die like that.. is the money can save our life? or fate to be save.. or maybe... fate to be die.... really cant predict what will happen.. life really un predicted ... what is going to happen it will happen... ppls do ignore the things..and might think.. 2012 movie is just entertainment... but acually is wasn't.. cause.. due with the things that sign ... warning about the things... those scientist... testing about nuclear.. in north pole.. making more worst... really too many things happen... in this world... really .... the movie really mean a lots of things... human can be united... money is not everything....you must appreciate what you have now... do the things that you still can... enjoy...try to make the day happy... while you still can live... *continue.. after that movie... den we back home... but...nothing much happen ... cause really too tired de.. just got one simple kiss and sleep... how good i can have a hug... before i sleep... *skipped neway... enjoy while we can.. i just wanna wish i can make a happy moment with him.... wanna he become for loving.. caring... and funny only.... like the last time we use to be laugh in phone...

*sLe3pY

nothing to say much today.. yea.. kinda a lots of things in my mind right now... but lazy to write all out... feel like wanna tell him everything .. but...kinda afraid that he misun or anything... whatever... just wanna say little...oh yea... neway... on last saturday my wish came true... but... doesn't really fulfills all... accually by the time i reach genting already... when i see those accesories... and the decoration... that time i just think... how good that i can see him now.. and take pic with him... wanna make a memorable moment....once i check in... he ask me to go side... and i saw him,,, alcually that time really kinda shock when i saw him... i know he treat me good enuf.. but dunno why something missing... maybbe he was too tired... but anyway.. he slept in my room... atleast he got place to sleep.. till next morning... ate breakfast.... walk... but... really dunno why when i'm in mood of taking pic... like usual.. each time at genting... with him... but this time... really dunno why... he face is like... awh... man... cant discribe it... haiz.. i tot i was trying to enjoy with him... i wear... that hair... tot he might happy... when he come from toilet... but... nothing happen... haiz... really dunno wan sad or what... really ... weird... not i dun wanna tam him or what... but just ... dunno why... 2 years in realationship... is like 3month only... like... i really dunno how to discribe... i know he did a lots of things... take his money out for me... but... really i dunno how to discribe it... haiz... something was missing... maaking me feels like he turning back like the last time he was... to be honest ... yes i do... happy and gam tong when he at genting... but at the same time i was sad either ... cause seeing him like this tired... and really dunno why ... giving kind weird attitude.. avoiding... eg:i went to starbuck... meet my uncles and mum.. den i ask him pui i chat a while... den out of sudden he said he wanna go back to room watch tv... i really do damn speechless.. alcually that time after i chat with them a while... wanna go take pics with him...wanna walk around wanna make the candle hand thingy... but... ends up... ... after that time... really no mood... even though he ask me to takee pic... that time i was trying to hold my tears... wonderiing what's going on with him... and why you wanna become like that.. why each time we wan to enjoy .. but also got sad moment... damn it.. is not to humilate... or saying things harsh... but... really... i wish ... you can become... the one that i wanna you to be... pls dun become back the last time you were so cool... or what...i just wanna get hugs.. wanna feel that i was care and someone can cheer for me all the time...some one that can leave me a memories that is something that is worth it...Sorry baby... i know you work hard ... and wanna make me happy... baby... all i wish that .. i wanna become who you are.. the one that is funny ... and caring... i dunno weather you are making in front of me ... or maybe is in you... it just... something was missing as i said... last time we use to be jokes... and talk a lots.. but... really like getting lesser... when i sad.. i wanna you make me laugh... when i happy we together happy... is you did... eventually .. i will did the same thing.. although i did.. but seems like you dint care much thou... of maybe you dint notice... sometimes really kinda weird... the cake i made for you .. you just put aside.. although when is upside down... many things either... really.. something missing... the more we together become like this... the more bad things will happen... i can say it... altough we already 2years... also become like this.. i just wonder... how about another few more years are we stilll together? or what..only you know about it...

~p@sT i$ p@sT~

what had already pass jau pass de le... can denied it... today really no idea what i'm going to say and talk... but... just let it be.... although too many things happen recently.. really going thru a very hard time.... just... moment already pass de... it became history.. and no longer to be remember... but... what if a sweet moment??? it just make it keep haunted you ... for the rest of your life only... first when together... sure happy and enjoy.. but when things turn bad.. and hard going thru... things goes... worst... just broken to few pieces... eg: like a glass fell on floor... and brokes into few pieces.. and just left a piece of memories... and nothing.. some need time to forget the someone left those precious moment... those happiness... but some... dint care or think about it... and had a new life.. but .. to me seems like really hard... yea although tot can find a real love that can stand long.. but ends up destroy... kinda frust and hard to accept it... but ... what if the ppl ask back you and wan you together back with him... but both also already had own life... but still have the love remain... but... to me... as i said... past already past.. cant become present... or maybe... if we got fate... we still can together in future... cause life really un predicted... just appreciate what you having now...and had own life... dun lie to the partner... and be happy for them.. yea.. although is hard.. but just let it be... have a own life... own way... *yawn... sweepy... headache... i also dunno what i'm mumbling... lolx....anyway.. just write whatever in my brain...

*si@nz... i told de.. i'm the one who really hard predict...

really no idea... what the heck i listen really kinda really feel so disappointed... and dunno others mix feels too.. i know... mum are still my mum... she raise me... and do this... but.. sometimes i really cant stand that i kept secret for her... and getting blame... or even using me to help her... or even she now destroying family where i having now... really enough for this de... after what she did... although i know family are the closest person... but... seems like to me... she's dun really care about it.. she care about money and wealth... luxury... haiz... as me and my bro's keeping quiet.. even my stepfather.. still on her side... just that... since young... mum cares bro than me... even my dad... really so obvious that since young they did for so long... but i also dint care much.... or know about it... as long as i'm still taking care of my bro's enuf de... i got care for her... but how much did she care for me? yea she did care for me... but she really over do it... by forcing... accountancy.. to catering... and now interior design? really dunno how many times i need to listen to her... dad told me to be careful what my mum will do..i'm a person who care family than friends... but... sometimes i do really disappointed that .. stepfather or even mum said that i care outsider ... friends or even loves one... damn it... monday to sunday everyday at home... or office work... by doing nothing... sometimes i really thinking i'm i doing the right thing... helping her like this by destroying my own dreams ???just to fulfills her wish...???? haiz... she got care meh... even i sick... i go see doc my self... even bro sick i taking care if bro but she??? haiz.. even got time she go shopping only... and she always said to others ppl... i'm doing this job just because of interest... not for money... den another face that she told us 3... she said she do this for us... haiz... for what... i know you did this... but... family already got few business de... electronics... and accountancy de... what for need so much.. we can earn money fast... but only that will destroying family feels only... a lots of argument... and others stuff.., or even understanding...you know... since young ... dad already went to KL for a long time... just work... i nt really see him so much...yea.. i know .. and i do know he did wrong.. got mistress outside... i dun really care.. yea... i do hate him a while.. for not coming back.. and did this... destroying family... actually i do appreciate family feels.. but... haiz... things really doesn't goes very well... hiaz... lost the family feels for so long de... that's why keeping inside so long... without telling all out... who .. or someone or a child just wan a simple wish that... just wanna have perfect family... enjoying... and communicate.... haiz.. forget it.. i know... maybe you'll might feels that i selfish or maybe coward... or what so ever... but... i guess no one will und how would i feels for a time being... cause too much things keeping inside... and i really dint know how to speak all out...all this just part of it... better stop saying... *life really really unpredictable..trying to facing what is in front... and try so finish the day... trying to make life better... and happier... on that day... even though going thru a hard time...but... really so hard to facing all this... ALONE....

how good..

MY LIFE GET BETTER ...

i really wish that i can get back my own family...
really wishing she return back normal...
really wishing that how good she dun over do...
really wish that stop scolding me... really sick of her keep scolding me...
although i been 2month in KL... no ppl scold me... honestly speaking... i really dint miss that she keep on scolding me... but... tortoise said he did miss her mum scolding.. but to me... i dint miss at all.. i just... wan back the mum who is last time.. not so fierce.. and thinking much better...not like now.. haiz... keep scold and get blame so innocent... dunno when only get back the one i wish.. haiz...



BESTIES...a friend for life...
a gal that talks with and knows me...
although she cant always out... but... even she talks with me... i already feels release..
A LOTS....what la.. cant speak much... cause cant think much... appreciate what you had..
*Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate.

THE ONE I LOVES.... although he tries so hard to comfort me and cheer me... but..really sometimes dint really help .... something or sometimes not in a right time...
*Love feels no burden, regards not labors, strives toward more than it attains, argues not of impossibility, since it believes that it may and can do all things. Therefore it avails for all things, and fulfils and accomplishes much where one not a lover falls and lies helpless.