sadness

haiz.. really kinda weird mood right now.. really dunno what to do ... dunno do what wrong... haiz.. sad.. you said you today go pasar malam.. den jau .. nevermind ba.. tot you wan relax.. den i keep quiet.. haiz.. when back dunno why you like this,.. turn like so mad.. haiz.. ask you .. you jau said tired.. haiz.. me also stress and tired... atleast i still jokes.. and stuff.. haiz.. you?? even after dinner.. you like no ask no nothing.. wish you ask me some.. haiz.. dunno le.. eat so much chili.. that's why i vomit.. even i vomit,.. you only ask me .. okay anot .. den no mood.. haiz.. dunno.. take table give you do things..haiz.. you jau use small table.. dunno you... anything ba.. you jau mad.. those fucking face.. haiz.. how i wanna stand.. ask you thing ... wan help you not.. you jau no word... I'M SO PISS AND SOOO TIRED!!!!!!! really when i need you... you . haiz.. speechless.. even now you infront of me.. me and you .. just a friend those kind... haiz... guess.. you and me .. relationship.. no longer like last time..anything.... just tired... haiz..

i'm getting so tired

really need someone right now... haiz.. when i need you where you ??? haiz.. every night i'm hiding under the blanky crying do you know ma??? i'm sad and stress do you know?? when i get stress and you knew about it why you dun wan help me to release le? haiz.. why le????? sometimes i do feel kinda lonely ... felt sometimes i do feel like i'm single.. really .. dunno how to say le... i wan you make me happy also hard le... not make me more stress and keep on quarrel with you ar.. i dun wan this kind of life.. just.. haiz...

when you cant finish your homework... i put my things away and help you .. you did promise last time that you'll finish it.. so that you wont disturb me... haiz... dunno le... sometimes i really do envy others ppl.... really.. haiz.. dunno le.. cant we just sweet like last time.. i think you and me getting like so awkward.. and always quarrel.. maybe.. haiz.. dunno le.. cant barely smile this few days.. dunno how to say..

at home.. mum owe a lots of debt .. haiz.. aunty diana sms ask about cash... college jackie ask about cash.. haiz.. car need repair.. just i . i'm tired de.. i really cant handle this pressure... dunno how.. haiz... mum turn another person.. lou tao come home keep on nagging .. whatever i do the things also get scolded.. haiz..

in college.. only the assignment .. really dunno how to handle it my ownself.. unlike you .. i can help you.. sometimes.. i do feel so tired,........ now recently help you do your thing i cant barely do my own stuff.. i help you i hope you change .. do homework early.. you said you lost your file and sutff.. you know last time me too .. i lost my own file .. i find my self i do it ... my ownself .. no like you ask ppl jau can .. haiz... nothing ba.. you got into this also my fault..

frustration...

what can i say now... recently kinda a lots of things happen.. haiz.. mum seems like getting avoiding us.. i heard from my colleague said that .. she was planning to stay out from the house for few days.. and stuff.. beside that.. really totally speechless le.. really too much pain in the house.. ppl said in house was heaven.. but now.. i felt that in hell.. back home.. either quarrels.. argument .. and stuff .. really sick of it de le.. too much pain on what i can say.. and talk a bout it.. tired of it..just wonder when only can stop all this le.. can say that getting less of happiness le.. to compare with last time.. what can i say and talk about it?? even in love.. really .. dunno how le.. yea i do love.. but dunno why felt that lack of something.. just like something missing.. haiz.. another one,.. kinda miss sometimes where he usually speak and make jokes to me.. miss all the moment that had alrealdy pass

I'M SORRRY

... just feel so sorry the one who love me.. and cares me alots.. really sorz for everything you had did to me... really kinda hearthache when all stuff happen at once.. i really cant even face it myself and do it.. haiz.. dunno le.. just... maybe this was not the right time... accually i was planning had my b'day with the one i love or maybe whole bunch of buddies like that... but seems .. this year i really feel wanna celebrate alone ... haiz.. really so kinda upset right now.. i can ttbarely smile right now.. felt like too much things to fan and stuff .. haiz.. hate myself for out of sudden.. kinda.. haiz.. speechless right now.. just wanna say sorry to you... sorz .. i really couldn't accpet any relationship now.. cause.. it's been so hurt... for 2month ago.. haiz... hate it...hate myself... hate to be in love for so frust ....

ASSIGNMENT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GEES... kinda long dint bloggy de.. lolx.. haha.. too much asssignment!!!! ARGH!!!!!! HELP ME !!!!!!!!!!!!I WAN IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!I WAN PPL HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

uplaoding.....

gees.. in this few weeks.. kinda feel a lots different kind of feels... feel of happy.. sad.. moody.. heart broken ...and others weird feelings.. haiz... last week just broke up with him.. kinda feel like wasted.. but what to do.. cause... we choose to let go... and seriously on that day.. really kinda hurt and dissappointed what he told me about it... kinda feel like .. really speechless... haiz... feel like so damn heart broken... when i reach school.. i cried.. in car... really loud i guess.. i think should be long time i dint cry till so loud and so really dunno how to say... kinda weird man... haiz.. but atleast for what i had promise him... that i 'll happy always and try to take care my own... from that day onwards i continue my road and my way... back to class like normal...and try hang out with some crazy buddies.. trying to think positive... lolx.. really need to thx to that fella who told me about it.. *think positive... only got way out.. if i keeping it in.. only make the brain jam... and more things to fan and dunno do what* what la... that's whyy from that day onwards i always remember this word till now... Think positive way...so till now doing the same thing... everyone ask us why we break who ask and who say it out first.. let's consider as... both saying out... and both also dun wan feel the burden anymore that's it.. i choose the road i wan him to realize and wake ... haiz.. dunno le..all i wan him now is focus to his exam only.. for this moment...really need rush my assignment and get myself busy as .. too many things that i really damn frust de... really each time i back home i'm sick of it.. really .. like no time to make myself comfortable with it.. dunno le... haiz... just wonder when only i can feel back home sweet home.. haiz.. just wonder why my mum turn till so really dunno how to say ... haiz... more too like showing off and others.. really hate it a lots....!!! haiz.. but anyway... haha.. i still got one crazy buddies and still can chill and laugh about .. and the one who really und me.. make me happy... really few that can make me chill.. even my god daughther... lolx... haha...guess... i stopp mumble now.. as the thing keep on repeating like grand ah ma... haha.. sakai de.. joker... i just can wish and pray things will goes well jek... haha... and wan everyone nearby me happy always... that's it... lolx...

WHAT'S MY MISTAKE... WHY ME...I'M TIRED..

HAIZ.... i do what my mum ask me to do... recently...really so innocent get FUCK UP... haiz.. really no idea what's going on... and what happen/..i wanna concentrate on study... wan to try study hard... although i have no choice to choose... haiz... before i take in this ID... i had quarrel with her about the study thingy... haiz... i try my best ... but i fail... haiz... wanna take my own career...but she... haiz... quarrel till fainted... haiz... FINE...i take the iD... what the hell... reeally so sick... haiz... doctor said i cant too tired or too emotion... i'm really sick of it... how cant i stop all this.. each time i talk to her sure quarrel and she faint or heart attack... haiz... i have no choice... haiz... what this should happen to me. not to say i dun wan help her in work... but really each time i back to the office i really nothing to do... haiz... sit and do nothing... damn it... she always compare me and another gal.. haiz... sad... she said she ask that gal what also can answer... but me...nothing... damn it...not i dunno just you dun teach.. each time i ask you dun tell .. give those reason.. damn it... say dun fan me... this little thing ask next time... or even said get lost.. haiz... when she wan thing she can get it... she wan what or require what also we give... but me??? or others... non.. and NO... damn fuck it,... i'm really sick of itt... haiz... even i work so long in here... i really know nothing about this company... the wood the curtain or anything...i dunno... not to say completely dunno yea i know few.. haiz... just ... sometimes i notice her.. she only teach outsider... or the one she love only.. she keep think me not the one to help... she even ask me to open one damn company... under my name... haiz...you think i happy if i got this? it sucks... i open one company which is i dunno anything much about it... eg: last time tailor come den i ask need how long need to measure and cut... she ask me to back off... damn it... last time she said.. next time open the damn company den jau need give effort on it... i said okay le... i measure and cut.. this and that.. she so damn suddenn ask me back off... and get lost... haiz... ppl dunno how den mai ask the tailor lo.. den she ask me keep quiet... she busy..haiz... sometimes i really dunno what she wan... haiz... den sometimes i get scolded so damn innocent... not sometimes is everytime... haiz... nowdays... i know she rush those houses... haiz... like all she also handle... ppl ask wan any help not... she said no ..no need your help ... haiz... ends up now she sick... haiz... really so tired and sick of staying at home.. last time lou tao sunday work she scold ppl that sunday is FAMILY DAY.. now... all sunday no activity de.. only spend time with family... now days... haiz... she keep work on sunday.. haiz.. make till lou tao also dun like it de... haiz....she's the one make things worst she's the one make all of us worry her.. and getting angry of her... sometimes i get scolded for no reason... haiz... recently... i also notice that i'm getting tired... and easy faint de... guess.. i'm too tired and my stupid throid thingy again... haiz... she keep said fan about work this and that.. ppl ask wan help she said dun wan... b4 i enter this company she said let le out this and that...follow her work that's why i come back from KL... now... sit offfice do nothing... i know nothing about excel...or form format or what PO>>DO>>>OR what ... those office work i know NOTHING...haizz... yesterday night... backk home... lou tao ask go whr eat... den she said she lunch 5sum only eat... haiz... lou tao & bro 4sum eat... thaat time 8sum sure all hungry... except mmummy... haiz... just because she not hungry or anything all wait for her together dinner at 10pm... i ate brunch at 12... tilll 10pm only eat again... cause me gastric... haiz... we use to sit together and eat and chat.. but she... once sit together ... keep talk about THOSE FUCKING WORK & MONEY...money really so important??? or family???? haiz... i'm really sick of staying at this family....sometimes i ask myself i'm not good enough meh... do whatever mum ask me to do... haiz... force to do something i dun like... go school den back office work... fetch bro... back homee cook dinner.. less go out...i'm not good enough meh.. she always said i go out... damn it la.. haiz... so damn innocent... now in her brain... 7days also working day.... now me too 7days.. also fucking working day... damn it.. 7days... do nothing at office only sit... haiz... mum change ... haiz... i'm the one who suffer.. sometimes really wan out from the fucking house... i hate the house... eachh time i go back.. really tired and sick of it...haiz... her beloved ivan and her nelson dun scold de... only me ... keep on scold and nagging non stop... eeveryday allso scold.. say this and that..even she wrong also scold me ... haiz... even... sometimes she delay things.. den she go tell other i delay her things... haiz...yesterday his mum ask my mum weather can bring me go KL not this week... 2 days 1night... den she reply ... err.dunno yet.., she need go outstation.. den when i call her and ask.. den she scolded me .. talk many bullshit... said... if you wan go mai go lo... you wan i work till soo san fu you can go geh... i stay office... this and many bul shit.. den turn off the phone... haiz... ppl ask her got what thing to do she jau say this say that.. ppl ask her anything help she said no... haiz...really so shame of it...