... haiz... yesterday nite was a freaking hell day man.. haiz... what the hell... i told her about the KL thingy de.. haiz... i told her i'll be back.. but she keep said i wont back... said daddy might do many stuff to stay me at here.. what can i do and said.. i aready told her about the thingy de.. i told her i aready promise daddy... and i also promise you too... for what you need to worry... haiz... dunno why once i talk about i'm going to KL work she dint really encourage me... she only said i know KL is the good place to learn and gain experience... but you know rite... your base on your daddy now situation... he cant afford to have a shop... haiz... if can also is your daddy that lady help in it only... if you think you have a chance that you can get the shop .. then you go ahead... if you go there for working i prefer you dun... haiz... what the hell what can i say about now... haiz... why can she tolerate with it... haiz... why cant she und about it.... why i had promise daddy to help him in shop... cause i have been rejected daddy thing for few times aready... haiz... and i dun wan reject once more ... aready daddy ask me to stay with him.. but i rejected cause i scare if my mum condition... and i know why my mum wanna stay me here... cause she also cant let go of me... and scare me like daddy foot step only... even though like that...also cant de ma.. i know what i should do aready... and pls dun force me to do something... i have areedy waste one year at here... and i had aready become your beloved and good daughter... why cant you tolerate about it... haiz... i had stay with you aready 18years... now i go for 2month you aready like this... keep say many things to stay here... haiz....what the hell man... i really dunno what's in my mind now... cause i already had enough de... at here... it's like no appreciation at here... i at home or not already not the matter de... i dint tell out so early cause i wanna see what can it be... but in a sudden i only notice that i already nothing to my family at here de... that's why i wanna try stay KL for couple of week... i know my heart are fragile... pls... dun do this kind of things to me... each time i speak out you also band it... and dun wan i take it... okay fine... i already listen to you and help lou tou in acc... and what do i get? the problem is... i already tried so hard to like it... but i cant... i cant even make it to like it in business and acc... haiz... i already tried so hard... and i'm tired of it... haiz... and i told her about after this week i'm not going to work de... this week will be my last week... i got 2week before i go KL i wan to go have fun and enjoy myself... actually i wanna learn cook and bake cake at home... and search for new things... but... haiz.. my told me ... why should you? you suppose to work till half month on 15.. den i told her... not necessary... i dun wan... den she said... if then... deal... tomorrow dun go work... no need you work already... since your heart already not here... haiz... what can i say now.. i told her not my heart is not there... i'm still here and my heart still here... den lou tao help me say... i'll fetch nelson to school for that two weeks.. den her voice up like scold ppl... haiz... said i dun need you fetch nelson... i'll be fetching nelson to school... and you do not need to have the transport anymore.... you wan out you walk out... no car are allow... den i said deal... haiz... the way she talk it''s like i'm the bad ppl... i already try to calm me down and hold back my tears de... but... she keep think like that i also cant help much... why cant she und me more... then i go back to room... den lou tou said... she told me de... but only scare you angry... den mum scold me and said... why should i become the last person to know everything ....haiz... i also speechless... haiz... just because i promise daddy i go KL work.. she like that... haiz... i dunno wanna help which side... if i help daddy side my mummy do so much things to make me stay...and she sad too ... haiz... what can i say...if i go help daddy side... the same thing occur... haiz... why life so complicated and hard to decide... i already quiet for few years... no one know what i''m thinking about... what the hell i'm thinking... haiz... really so damn piss out and damn freaking sad man... why all this thing happen to me... haiz...i hate to become middle person... hate it a lots...haiz... why should it be me... why should i have the things... daddy just called me about taking my ic and stuff... i told him i'm not gonna make epf first... den he said okay... and said ... ask me to search things... for the shop... but... the only thing is ... i dunno how and what to do... and he sent a msg to me that ask me to join cooking course... haiz... as my mum expected... haiz... why la... why should i had it.... what should i study la... i wanna take culinary chef.... but... the problem is ..., where should i study... KL or ipoh? if i could choose i wanna study out from this country... not here...the worst is made my mum creid yesterday... my heart really so damn pain... haiz... and i hate to see this kind of situation... makes me i'm the bad ppl... haiz... i just wan both of them happy not sad ... why cant i make it... haiz... i aready suffer a lots de why should you make it more worst... why????
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