really worst day ever..

haiz...morning had a nightmare... about my boy.. my family... and accident... after wake... fetch bro to school like normal... eat breakfast... fetch maid back home... till home... change my cloth my stupid damn door lock me up.. damn it... i ask the maid push the damn door... she go push a little once i shout loudly said push la... push harder then only can open.. once reach at office get scolded by my mom... saying that rubbish everywher this and that... what the hell.. start with a damn freak in the morning... den later on... afternoon lunch break finally get the card... thee stupid post man really so dumb ... put the letter at my car... so damn sakai ppl... bring the letter go to the office... get my card to asking me to get my result... damn it... haiz... get my result only score 6c... really tears falling ... what the hell... study so hard... only get 6c... really so damn it... i tell my tuition teacher about it... she was shock why i can score so low... haiz... really cant stand man... really feeel so piss off of it.. even i guy which is no study simply do also can get 5c.. damn it... yesterday night... my finally say the truth that... since i came back from KL .. house getting messy and dirty... haiz... as if like putting the blame on me once again... haiz... really sick of being here in IPOH... damn it... really in my heart that time feels like telling her that " if i come back from KL i make a mess in house then i rather back to KL and you have your life here without me better... i rather back KL and have my life... without stress or any sadness at here.... i'm sick of being at here getting the blame and getting being scold innocently" damn it... haiz... really felt so regret back here wasting my time and energy sitting at office doing nothing... she always said that i'm stupid that i dint find things to do this and and that... i feels like i going to office is like a maid... do cleaning stuff mopping.. sweeping... and serve drinks... haiz... really sick of it... here badly .... really wish that she know what she thinking and doing ... i dun mind helping her or even get blaming from her... i just wan her do yo u really understand what i'm going thru... or i need some courage and support,.... not putting me here doesn't let me see the outside world...giving the impression to other ppl that.. i being pamper by my mum... i dun wan ppl see me like that... i'm sick of it already...

HAIZ...

geees.... yesterday really so damn tired.. mornig feetch bro school... and get nag and blame in morning... haiz....when till night ... tot i might be better with the love one hanging out and try to get some fresh air... and have some enjoying moment... but yet... everything get worst than i tot... what to do... it feels like walking alone see things alone... time pass more slow.. and headache getting more worst ... after dinner.. walk and walk... only notice that yesterday whole day i forget eat my heart medicine and for the breath medicine too... that's why at night really so pain.. hiding the pain infront of him... guess he dint really notice... and know it... 1st we plan play bowling as we compete each other.. first game was so terible.. simply throw... still not a single word between me and him.. haiz... at that timw see his finger no longer wear the ring ... out of sudden i take off my ring either... not worth it... wearing the ring alone... doesn't really understand what's the meaning of it yet i guess..haiz... putting it back in bag... continue plays... second game got talk... atleast little fun and laugh inside me...accually.. that time inside ... feels like crying i guess...really so tired that kind of feels... but.. luckly.. after the bowling he did what he do... but yet.. dunno why still not really know what i really wan.. then we went to the eating place behind JJ... sitting.. looking at his bro and gal.. really so sweet... that time really wish that he could have his bro atitude taking care and caring ... and can give me those kind of feels.... but... haiz... dunno why... after drinking at there... sent me back home...den i decided to return back the RIng to him... that time... really dunno why i return back to him... that time my heart kinda heartache and inside feels like crying... dunno why... guess kinda funny man...giving back to him to keep it... back home,.. really wan to cry out... but really dunno why i couldn't lo... really so much pain inside ... really pain... really sometimes i do think if i become single how would it feelss like...again... me and him already 1year 10month... still like that... he was the longest relationship i had... my mind now it's like eveerything is mixing up... haiz....help me man.... really felt so sucks...right now... haiz... already did a mistake b4... i dun wan repeat again... letting someone go... tired of having this already...how good i could have a hug right now...

DAMN IT... I HATE IT SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

DAmn it... why always i get scold and blame for nothing... damn it... shit.... really so piss off with this kind of attitude... almost all of us .... really cant really stand her man... not because of what... just because she always think she right.. and everyone is wrong... damn it... soon.... i can say... another disaster gonna happen ... even lou tao say so.. damn it... i most anti ... in the morning which is i get nagging from her and get scolded for being late to work... damn it.... i told her that i'll going to work... den lou tao said later bring mum stuff and go eat breakfast together... okay fine... i go... i late 10minutes... since she ask me bring her stuff... damn it... once i reach she also finish eat de la... she reach early so? at eating place there... she keep nag... about my working hours.. that my working hours will be at 9-6pm... den last time said is 9-5pm.. cause i go back home to cook ma.. now say this... okay.. still fine with me... damn it... most HATE it is that... she said once i came to her office ... she said the office like trash only ... unprofessional and doesn't look like a showroom... den said my stuff making the place look like trash... damn it.. is her place make it the whole thing like a trash.. what the hell .... she ask me not to touch her stuff... sumor now wanna blame me wo... damn it...what THE HELL... den that time like around 9.20 de.. den lou tao de food reach de.. den he ask him faster eat... she wan go de.. den lou tao ask her den ar.. you go first le... i ask daughter pui me eat le... den she go to car there and pass by .. with her fierce look she say your gu jie also reach jor... you still at here... damn it... lou tao ask me to pui him eat now you ask me back... damn it de la... what also she de la.... haiz.... dunno what she doing and what she thinking ... so damn it de lo.... haiz... really damn piss off... back to IPOH lo... keeping me at here is like at HELL TO ME!!!!!

just doing nothing... out of sudden check webby...

and i was wondering weather i'm i have the depression...
Symptoms of Depression
* Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood* Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism* Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness* Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, * Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"* Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions* Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping* Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain* Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts* Restlessness, irritability* Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain...
almost everything here... almosst all i got .... just wonder....haiz... asking him giving clue... to him... he ask me back... heart attack ar? this ar... haiz... forget it... guess alone know better... and he just told me... that his father got into an accident... haiz... sure he frus le... i was wonder... what his mind thinking and my mind thinking le...really ... messing up.. really cant hink of any thing right now.. too headache... felt so guilt... haiz... dunno ar.... sitting office facing 4walls... doing nothing... alone.... just alone ...just wonder... nothing to do

yesterday was a disaster...

haiz... really dunno why recently my mum what the heck in her mind... always thinks that she's right... haiz... till lou tao also cannot stand of her... lou tao keep tam her.. she dint really appreciate it... always fatt pei hei... always think that she is correct... haiz... talk with lou tao... he share to me... ask me to be careful and try to dun touch her things or else anything gone wrong... then put the blame to others... accually in my heart aready spoken... i always get the blame... and i always wrong... what to do... that's why sad always... what do you expect... haiz... den he also mention... see you le.. you sick jor ar... she keep work only.. where got time bring you see doctor... say make porridge for you ... also forget... haiz.... that time accually i wanna say to him... i already use to this life de... even i got sickness i'll take care my own .... use to it already... eat also cook myself le... what to do wo... always do her stuff as a daughter de la... she always think that using of me... and tot i can do everything .... haiz... almost everything i can help her... only that i dun have the interest... guess why i always cant let go or argue with her... just because she got heart attack... that's why i dun really dare to reject her... i follow what she say... but... as i just came back from KL... she said ask me to learn design... okay fine.. i go find.... but.... she dint care and ask me to pay for my own study... raise myself... that's still okay... further more... she ask me to learn things... said bringing me out from office teach me this and that.. ends up... i sitting in the office play com.. mop and swipe floor.. read magazine... and buy food for my bro... haiz.... she always think that she always right .... everyone is wrong.... teach me how to do costing and planning whereby she's the one who dun have costing and planning... haiz... that's why lou tou kinda frrustrated recently.. i can see ... last sunday was suppose to pui him tto go out for drink... just to relax our mind... unfortunately... i sick... at night and keep vomit... as soon as lou tao out .... me drive own car.. and see.... doctor said food poison... the next day .. same thing repeat... vomit non stop... den after fetch bro find my boy... den he fetch me go see doc together with her mum tooo... really ma fan sai her mother... haiz... at that time i wish my mum that make porridge for me and ask me eat medicine like how his mum did to me...now my mum is turning to another person... and even yesterday lou tao said.. if i i knew last time i should be cruel say not to be together again.. he repeated twice de... haiz... i really dun wan lost him too... only he i could talk a lots... than my own father... my life... i really dunno how to discribe....haiz... yesterday already frus about them.. out of sudden he mention about study... the more thing i think... haiz... too fan de... sumor add more... these few days really doesn't have enough time too sleep always wake at 3am... haiz.. ddunno what's going on with me now... recently... heartbeat up and down... low blood pressure... if i continue like that...soon i think i'm not gonna stay here longer i guess... but... anyway... life is short... no matter what is my report say to... i dun care no matter how sick i'm i dun care... i only care for my family and the love one... or buddies only... i wish my life would change ... awhhh... hehee... felt little realease de... speak some of them... need sorry for my love one... cause yesterday i dint tell you... i wanted to tell ya.. but you aready start talking about study..i cant stand start chest pain and cant breath le... tears keep falling... that's why i turn off the phone le... gomen gomen...

missing KL so muchh....

owh... man.. really miss KL so so much... KL is the place where is like heaven... no worries ... but only certain time kinda frustrated... rather now back to ipoh.... sit in

office... keep do and work... hehe... miss KL food... so many food on the table... haha... now at home eat 4 dishes... cham... atleast at KL i can try different taste... i remember on my last day at KL celebrate our farewell in SHOGUN... geess... first time eat oyster... hehe... kinda niice... but kinda weird taste.. haha... as i said ... 1st time...ShOGUN... awh.. miss that place.... food of heaven... lolx....table all sushi... oyster...seafood...
jelly fish... haha...others like western too...UNAGI.... haha... nice food... and provide dessert too... hehe... too bad my stomach cant put so much... neway... late update my blog... haha...

tired man....atleast i get what i wan

gees... really damn tired man... working time 12-14hours a day...but i dint really mind... if someone can accompany me... but time getting slower when he not here... really so speechless... when at here... too many things happen aready... all those critics and others stuff man... that XXXX ar... really wanna kill her so so much... yau dun listen ppl opinion yao dun believe ppl... haiz... what also me and my boy do... damn it... she jau sit and chat ... we jau do and do and do... she get the best.. we get the bads... what the hell de.. her prinsip is... friends and relative are the main... customer dun care.... give the best for them give the bads for the customer... haiz... even my own mummy also heartache see tou me suffer like that... damn it... day by day business wasn't good... haiz... dad get easy panic... when a lots customer... that xxxx... haiz... speeechless... damn it de la... neway... i kinda enjoy when my boy with me ... atleast someone lend a shoulder to me... haiz... but.. he aready went back to ipoh.. for few days due with his condition getting worst... it's my fault that i made him sick... i dint take care of him.... felt that his family like dint really like me... i guess... cause i ask him to work with me... haiz... dunno le... really scare that him family care that...haiz... bout this shop...really dunno how to save le... all also dun listen de.... forget it ba... always say .. but do nothing... haiz... really damn heartache see them like that...