yesterday was a disaster...

haiz... really dunno why recently my mum what the heck in her mind... always thinks that she's right... haiz... till lou tao also cannot stand of her... lou tao keep tam her.. she dint really appreciate it... always fatt pei hei... always think that she is correct... haiz... talk with lou tao... he share to me... ask me to be careful and try to dun touch her things or else anything gone wrong... then put the blame to others... accually in my heart aready spoken... i always get the blame... and i always wrong... what to do... that's why sad always... what do you expect... haiz... den he also mention... see you le.. you sick jor ar... she keep work only.. where got time bring you see doctor... say make porridge for you ... also forget... haiz.... that time accually i wanna say to him... i already use to this life de... even i got sickness i'll take care my own .... use to it already... eat also cook myself le... what to do wo... always do her stuff as a daughter de la... she always think that using of me... and tot i can do everything .... haiz... almost everything i can help her... only that i dun have the interest... guess why i always cant let go or argue with her... just because she got heart attack... that's why i dun really dare to reject her... i follow what she say... but... as i just came back from KL... she said ask me to learn design... okay fine.. i go find.... but.... she dint care and ask me to pay for my own study... raise myself... that's still okay... further more... she ask me to learn things... said bringing me out from office teach me this and that.. ends up... i sitting in the office play com.. mop and swipe floor.. read magazine... and buy food for my bro... haiz.... she always think that she always right .... everyone is wrong.... teach me how to do costing and planning whereby she's the one who dun have costing and planning... haiz... that's why lou tou kinda frrustrated recently.. i can see ... last sunday was suppose to pui him tto go out for drink... just to relax our mind... unfortunately... i sick... at night and keep vomit... as soon as lou tao out .... me drive own car.. and see.... doctor said food poison... the next day .. same thing repeat... vomit non stop... den after fetch bro find my boy... den he fetch me go see doc together with her mum tooo... really ma fan sai her mother... haiz... at that time i wish my mum that make porridge for me and ask me eat medicine like how his mum did to me...now my mum is turning to another person... and even yesterday lou tao said.. if i i knew last time i should be cruel say not to be together again.. he repeated twice de... haiz... i really dun wan lost him too... only he i could talk a lots... than my own father... my life... i really dunno how to discribe....haiz... yesterday already frus about them.. out of sudden he mention about study... the more thing i think... haiz... too fan de... sumor add more... these few days really doesn't have enough time too sleep always wake at 3am... haiz.. ddunno what's going on with me now... recently... heartbeat up and down... low blood pressure... if i continue like that...soon i think i'm not gonna stay here longer i guess... but... anyway... life is short... no matter what is my report say to... i dun care no matter how sick i'm i dun care... i only care for my family and the love one... or buddies only... i wish my life would change ... awhhh... hehee... felt little realease de... speak some of them... need sorry for my love one... cause yesterday i dint tell you... i wanted to tell ya.. but you aready start talking about study..i cant stand start chest pain and cant breath le... tears keep falling... that's why i turn off the phone le... gomen gomen...