who i'm i to them?

haiz.... yestersday night really suffer a lots.... haiz...what can i say about this time... haiz... yesterday nite we play mahjung.. and i lose till almost 40sum... but that doesn't really matter... when i play i always keep get scolded... keep get the blame... haiz... i got one time i accidenlly fall the thing on table mum said my heart not in it... simply play and i get scolded... haiz... lou tao said me tis and that... haiz... really dunno what the hell they'll wan... haiz... den mum even compare to my bro said that you bro might be much more better than you if he learn... accually i dun use to gamble de...haiz... what can i do... try to make them happy ... but... haiz... really sad case.... this few day really dunno what's in their mind...i din do wrong also get scold i do wrong more worst.. haiz... me is like the bean bag to them like that... haiz... what can i said... I REALLY SICK OF THIS KIND OF LIFE DE!!!! why i had to suffer all this kind of things.... even at night i cried alone... i just one find him to talk with... but... haiz... he asleep.... haiz... TOO MUCH PAIN I HAD AREADY!!!! I'M NOT THE BEAN BAG FOR YOU'LL TO PUNCH OR SCOLD!!! I REALLY HAD ENOUGH FOR ALL THIS... WHY SHOULD I? WHY ME... NOW EVN WROST THAT I REALLY LIKE WHAT I DID ALSO WRONG... I DO GOOD THINGS FOR THEM AND THEY DINT REALLY LIKE IT.. HAIZ... LIKE MORE WOSRT ... I AREADY TRY TO BE GOOD GIRL AND TRY TO ME TOUGH... BUT I CANT... WHAT I DID ARE ALWAYS WRONG... ALL OF THEM IS RIGHT... EVEN I ASK A SIMPLE QUESTION ALSO GET SCOLDED... WHAT THE HECK WITH ALL THIS.. JESUS CHRIST... HAIZ.... why me.... yesterday nite i do think of drink beers or anything to realease it... really tired of this kind of things aready... haiz.... just wan someone to let me realease all this things... so damn fucking suffer to walk this thing alone... as i said i'm longer in this family anymore... lou tao got nelson... mummy got ivan... and i? belong to no one....just alone hiding at the side... and cried alone in the room... no one cares like last time... no one knew what i had suffer... no onw knew that i had so much stress... i tried to forget it... but they'll keep make me to remember it... loss memories... haiz... really had so much pain...since i was young.... soon gonna have my retest... haiz.... always said i'll fail this and that... haiz... lazyy to bother.... and i notice something recently lou tao keep said you and him break up de la... this and that really hurts me a lots... if i break off again... all i can say is i'm become so LONELY AGAIN!!!