*wrong or right?

Yesterday night really got a huge disaster between me and my mum...but before that lou tao also got scold nag me a while.. den throw my letter on floor i still can stand it.. i ask him why throw my letter i have no idea why my letter reach no one tell me only..den between me and my mum.. i tried to keep all things and try to stand all her things.. at night .. she ask me weather i like the bag not... i told her i dun really like it... cause i dun like LV type sumor is brown colour... the bag cost 400.. den she scolded me this one nice.. said i lucky cause this wan expensive.. den if you dun wan.. you wan ask your boy to buy for you.. or even you buy.. you also heartache la.. den say many rubbish.. den she ask me what i wan to do now... keep sit in office do nothing ...den ask me why waste my time.. she told me that i already waste one year time.. off what i need think... damn it... i already plan i wan study what de.. only she dun let me go for it only... haiz.. den till i go help lou tao.. wanna try i can go for accounts not.. ends up i almost wan to apply de.. den she told me that .. den better dun take acc ba... take culinary as catering... damn it.. i change again.. den till she ask me to go for interior design.. i really cant stand of keep changing and making me weak de.. i already sick of it de.. changing my career.. den i back to KL help daddy wan cool down and help dad.. haiz..till she ask me come back .. i back ends up all this things happen.. den yesterday she ask me.. outside there i can find work for 1k per month not.. den i keep quiet.. den she yell at me ask me to answer.. accually i dun wan aanswer she keep ask me.. till i speak ''if i could find how..'' den she said back to me ''OKAY YOU WAN HOW.. YOU WAN I DIE IN FRONT OF YOU IZZIT'' haiz... i also dint say anything de she say like this i really cant stand de.. haiz.. den she ask me i still wan work for her not shout at me.. she ask me answer yes or no.. den i cant stand de.. for a first time i dare defend for myself ...i said '' NO" to her.. den she scold again i make road for you why can't you go.. okay find monday don't go to work.. have your life.. den she wallk and fainted infront of me.. you know how heartache for me seing her like that .. i dunno izzit her trick or real.. once b4 she did same thing to lou tao.. so that lou tao guai guai no one dare over her.. i dunno izzit she do the same thing to me either.. that time i know i allready lost control...den she lie on floor den said while sobbing and paining.. said that ...''look even my own daughter also dun wan help me i live for what.. i better go die better'' den she call my bro while crying.. den said to them '' you both need guai guai... if i die jor must take care your own..'' den say many fucking things... that time i feel wanna suicide infront of her.. den ... once i walk my whole body nno energy de... whole body cold.. and start feel so numb and heartbeat getting faster.. den i remember i pull my own hair wanna hit myself on wall or anything or wan go out from house... i really couldn't stand all this ... i'm totallly freaks out and so damn fucking tense de... i hate what she do all this shit... i hate myself for making her like that ... that's why i keep to myself only.. den dare to speak out and tell her anything.. cause i know if i tell her she'll like this.. haiz... den i almost unconcious on sofa... den whole body cold... and cant think anything.. me keep on crying loud and sick of all this.. den bro came and take care of me asking me eat medicine.. cause yesterday i din't my heart medicine.. den a while later after lou tao bring mum go room.. me still at down stairs still cant control.. den i remember is whole body no energy and everything black out de.. den lou tao keep calling me wake.. den i wake den i know he ask me to calm down.. den talk with me.. den i only calm down... a litttle... i ask him.. did i did wrong.. i'm i a bad gal not listen to her and defend? my fault make her like that .. really so useless de me... den ..i ask lou tao... you know how much pain i had? how much tense i'm i? lou tao sure know how much pain i had.. cause each time i talk to him.. den.. ask me not to cry ask me calm down.. den after talk a while i try to calm down.. not to think of anything de.. really so tired.. den mummy fainted at upstairs again.. haiz.. all my fault..i know mum said so loud she said.. why all ppl also like that... haiz.. i dunno which wan is true.. out of sudden lou tao said.. mummy make this road for me.. last time lou tao said is because her interest.. i also dunno which wan is true.. i'm totally confuse.. and sick of it.. too tired of all this.. den after i rest a hile and down.. mum back room... i back room... that time once i close my eyes i really scare.. and re-flash back how she faint infront of me.. and those cruel words.. makes me scare of her.. den i hide under the blanket keep on crying non stop.. praying to god ask god.. if you wan take her life... i rather you take mine.. i dun she suffer any more.. den i keep on crying. try to listen some songs try to calm down.. den fall asleep..den this morning wake up .. both eyes swollen de.. haiz.. whole body no energy.. and i walk out from the door saw her .. dunno why .. i turn back room hide.. dunno why i really scare of her de.. haiz.. i know too much thinking in my mind de... really wanna tell all out and wan to have little freedom.. wanna leave all this away.. very san fu.. sick of all this...wanna go out work and try new things gain out side experience only wanna prove to her i can... but she keep think that i dun wan help her.. and many things... haiz...what should i do..why happen this freaking this to me...